How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
