how can u be prego again
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
