If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
