Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
