I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
