So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
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Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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