i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
