just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
