For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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