Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
