Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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