I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
