nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
