worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
