There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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