it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
