You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
