Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
