it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
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