For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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