i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i believe in u and ur pee
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
