So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
