Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My feet surprised me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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