Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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