my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
