I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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