What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Someone came in the potted fern
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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