I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
