im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
