Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
