i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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