I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
