I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
