Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
