it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
