Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize