woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
