I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
