I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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