Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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