I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you traded sex for a burrito?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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