I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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