That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
