I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
