Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
