Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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