idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
