His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
