I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
