This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
