i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
