And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
