hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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