I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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