dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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