God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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