There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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