just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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