The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I fill condoms, not promises.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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