That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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