I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
