there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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