Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
