All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize