It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
