my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
