stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
