i was rollin on her like bob the builder
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
