She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
