...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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