He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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