Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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