i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
