So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
