I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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