Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
