why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize