I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
