after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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